Living a life less lonely

Allow me to be a little vulnerable: I went through a period of loneliness.

I consider myself an extrovert, but between founding a software agency, working from home, two kids, and being genuinely present at home, I’ve prioritised what I consider the important things.

However, along the way, my social life, and by extension, my well-being, quietly took a back seat.

So I decided to be more deliberate about it. This post is a note to my future self - a list of easy-to-do things to get unstuck, in case I forget.

Fill my calendar with coffee/lunch/walks

It’s easy to fall in to a cycle of waiting for someone or something to come by. But inevitably, nothing happens when nothing happens - a sort of cruel loop.

I was then invited to dinner by Tariq, an old colleague from my Microsoft days. Tariq is a project manager (a very good one at that) and a living example of someone who makes things happen. Nearly a year after I left Microsoft, I was reminded that he was often the person bringing people together.

If the “nothing happens” loop feels like a law of nature, then the inverse is also true: for something to happen, something has to happen.

So now, without too much overthinking and overplanning, I’ll reach out and plan a coffee date, lunch or a walk for the month ahead.

Find sports, activities and special interest groups

Meetup.com has been the most reliable way I’ve found to meet new people. I’m fortunate to live in a large city, but I’ve also found it’s worth travelling occasionally if something looks interesting.

The key is experimentation - some groups won’t stick and that’s fine. The point is to keep trying until something does.

Organise an event

With two kids, most of my life revolves around their schedules. Meeting with other parents (that I’ve met through work, Meetup or volunteering) has taken me to places I wouldn’t otherwise go, like museums, soft play centres and libraries.

Volunteer to school/nursery

I’ve only done this once so far: a nursery trip to the local library with my eldest. The nursery asked for volunteers, and it turned out to be an easy way to meet other parents nearby.

Going forward

I once read that blue zone populations (known for having the longest life expectancy) didn’t just have great diets - they also had strong social fabric. Meals were shared, routines were communal, and people were rarely left to live in isolation.

We tend to obsess over what’s measurable: bank balances, promotions, job titles, hours worked. But connection is harder to quantify and easier to neglect. If there’s a lesson worth borrowing from the blue zones, it’s that a long life isn’t just built on what you consume - but on who you share it with.